Stairs

(Note: I would have had a picture of Little One here, but I'm having computer issues.)

I was having a nice dream. I know there were babies and doctors in it. I vaguely remember waking in the middle of the night to think about my dream. I knew it was one I wanted to blog. It was long, it was involved. My kids were with me. I was happy.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to sink it into my waking brain. I'm sleeping, semi-peacefully, and the next thing I hear is the pitter patter of little hands and feet. I slowly realize - stair climbing. I meakly yell "Dave..." "Dave...."

"DAVE!!!!" I jump out of bed and Little One has made it past the first landing and is almost up to the top of the stairs with no one the wiser. Thank G-d he didn't fall!

Courtroom

I was in a courtroom. I was a witness for two of the parties there. It wasn't traditional in any sense of the word. There were a ton of people who were watching the proceedings, but most of them were young people - teenagers, young adults. The judge came in. Two of the people on trial (who looked a lot like George and Calli from Grey's Anatomy), one of which worked for the Court and rode in on a horse, were there. There was only that one side, though. There wasn't an opposing party. We all had to go to put our hand on a bible and swear that we were going to tell the truth, but then the Judge took the George and Calli look-a-likes to her chambers.

As we were all sitting and waiting, some people started showing videos from YouTube. There was one girl who was going to be on trial because of this awful video she made. Actually the video was good - it was a stop motion video (the kind I like), but everyone said that she did it as a marketing concept and that she couldn't have done it for as little money as she said she had. Then the Judge walked out and wanted to play the video and it turned out that the Judge was the one who backed the video for this girl and gave her the money for it. It was very scandalous.

Doctors and Trees

Just snippets this morning:

Little One had a new doctor. I was standing by a half door, where the doctor or nurse was standing on the other side (kind of like a prescription counter). He was looking at a clipboard concerned that he was severely under weight. I told him that his brother was even smaller and so that it shouldn't concern him that Little One was little because in my mind, he was bigger.

Jump to: a few people, a mother, daughter and one or two other adults, standing on the side of a road. The girl thought that the tree, a huge, enormous tree, should be moved and that she was going to pick it up and do it.

Jup to: My mother-in-law's doctor saying that her knee surgery was imminent and to be done asap!

Another Recurring Nightmare

This is another one of my recurring nightmares when I was a child.

I was in a house in a suburb and I was being chased by some kind of a monster. I would run from room to room. As soon as I would get really, really scared, I would jump out of the window and then I would float down on my back towards the sidewalk. Across the street, I would see a monster chasing a girl down a tree-lined street. He'd be getting closer and closer, and then I would zoom up to the house next door.

This scenario would repeat over and over. Each time I would get away I would float down and see the same monster chasing after the same girl.

Sometimes someone would be with me in the house and in order for them to float down to the sidewalk they needed to be touching me or holding onto me.

The differences would come inside the house with what I would do or what the monster would do. I was never caught.

Dream No. 3 - The Community Wedding and the Postman

I was at a community where there were preparations for a large wedding. At least three couples were getting married and they were all getting married on the same day. It was a very small, tight knit community. The mailman would pass out packages, like a folder or a redweld, but they didn't have names or addresses on them. He just knew who they went to and when I tried to give it back or question him, everyone got mad. The mailman knew everyone and no stamps or addresses were ever needed.

We were at dinner and one of the couples was there. I was being introduced to everyone. The community had been on television and one of the couples lived in the historic house that was featured, in which we were also eating, on the second floor. I was so taken aback by the fact that they were all getting married on the same day - were they doing it to save money?

We were walking through a park and the kids wanted to play. I trusted G to be safe with the other kids and let him go out and play on his own.

Dream No 2. - Ben Affleck and Chicken

I had made too much food. I had three different kinds of chicken dishes so we took all of them to a friend's house. Two of them were casseroles and the other was just in a casserole dish. Ben Affleck was there and he was stoked that there was cooked food in their budget. He kept saying:

I want to see that budget that has that food. I want to see that budget

.

Dream No. 1 - the Auction and the Priest

I was at an auction. People were not who they said they are. I was in a hospital and I was in a hospital room. There was someone in the hospital bed and I was sitting by the door. There was a priest wearing red robes. He was sitting behind a desk in a wheelchair. He kept rolling back and forth, up to me and away from me. He was asking me: "Is it easy to watch" and kept asking me about suffering. Any time I answered him, he kept twisting my words around to make it seem like I was saying something else. Before I had seen the priest I had come clean about my ebay habits along with other people.

There was more to this dream but as I was waking up I felt the dream slipping away. The last part of the dream was this priest and so I started writing. Most of the dream is gone, but if I hadn't written anything I would have forgetten even about the priest.

Molly and the Silver Convertible

Molly drove to my work. She had beautiful silver convertible. It was a gorgeous day. She had strawberry blond hair. She wasn't hippie dippie, but she was still beating to her own drum even though she wore very posh clothes and drove a posh car. For some reason it's important to me that the car was facing the left and not the right. Every time I saw her, which was four, she had a different hairstyle - straight down, in a bun, in a pony tail and braided. She had a friend with her whose name was Shannon. She needed something from me and I was there to give it to her. She climbed up the outside window of my work. My boss P. was there and he was being his usual selfish person trying to take all the thunder.

Baruch Atah Adonai

Last night I kept waking up. Every time I woke up I had this song stuck in my head from G's preschool:

Baruch Atah Adonai, Thank you G-d.

Baruch Atah Adonai, Thank you G-d.

Thank you for my mommy and thank you for my dad

They love me when I'm happy and they love me when I'm sad.

Baruch Atah Adonai, Thank you G-d.

It's sung in a sweet, lilting sort of voice and when I was singing it in my sleep last night, I heard children's voices.

So this morning, I told G that I had his song stuck in my head last night. And then he sang:

I love my mommy and daddy and l**kie

I love them taller then G-d and bigger then a big.

Talk about tugging at your heart strings. I literally was plucking them for G and Dave this morning because that just touched me so much. Some mornings G is all empty of hugs and kisses, but not today. Today, G had hugs and kisses filled in his belly to give out.

Thank you G-d!

Lots of Stuff

Man I had a good dream last night. Lots of action, lots of advenure. There was stuff happening all the time. It was long. It was pleasant. I could have stayed in the dream all night long. There were people, there were places, there were things happening.

Of course, I can't remember any of the details of it. Not a one. I had a slight image this morning of it, but, nope, can't reach that part of my brain.

Man was it good, though.

School of the Arts

I was at a competition. The prize was a scholarship. It was all artistic and creative. There were a lot of people there, but I really only remember 2 or 3. For the last part of the competition, you had to write an essay of why you should be the winner. What is your big thought, your big idea. Everyone was just sitting around writing, getting their writing supplies - paper, crayons, markers, whatever was passed out to you. People were not sitting in desks or in neat straight lines. As I was reaching to get my supplies this one girl kept covering her paper like I was going to cheat. I kept saying over and over again I couldn't see her paper and even if I could, the short glimpse of it wouldn't help me at all - I have my own ideas - yet she kept covering her paper. I was going over in my head what I was going to write about - how the arts, or any society for that matter, can be self-sustaining. How, with a little bit of work, anyone can make money from nothing and they can help their community thrive. And then I remember thinking how bland and boring it was and how it wouldn't help me win the coveted prize. I had to start thinking outside the box.

A Cult and a Bad Dream

Sunday morning I woke up too quickly to remember my dream, although I know I had one. Last night's was an angry dream. There was much more to it then I can remember. Here's what I've got:

There was a cult. Someone in the cult had to die so that something evil couldn't happen. The way to accomplish this was by two members of opposing factions to have sex. The boy was young and inexperienced. One of the factions wanted this to happen and the other was opposed to it because they wanted the evil thing to happen. They had tried to have sex once, but they weren't able to accomplish the task. After a year some of the members of the faction that wanted to stop the bad thing from happening got the two people together. But I woke up before anything else could happen.

On the same note, G had a bad dream last night where he was being chased by a "bad bad". There were three of them and they were evil and they were biting him. The bites were mean. They didn't bite the mean people.

I'd love to be on the same dreamlength as my son, but not the bad ones.

My Kids Will Be The Death Of Me

Nope - not halloween, 2006 - Purim, 2007!

I am a lot of things: a wife, a friend, a secretary, a scuba diver (sometimes), a bicyclist, but first and foremost I am a mother. I never thought I would define myself by my children, but as young as they are, that's what they need. I have plenty of time to define myself in other ways as well. Today, right at this very moment, I am a mother - and not just any type of mother - a mother bear, a mother lion - protection of the young is the most imporant, most vital aspect of life.

I know Molly makes fun of me for talking about the "p" word too much. I make fun of it myself, but it's just such an overriding part of my life. When G was an infant and now with Little One, it's how much, how often and did it look ok. Right now it's: G has a stomach ache, has had one for a while. And, no pun intended here, I didn't follow my gut instinct. I didn't take him to a doctor. What can they do for an achey little tummy. But pair that together with a pale "p", whitish in color, and that can spell trouble. It could be too much milk, it could be Hep. A that goes away on its own, it could be a liver or gall bladder issue. Right now I don't know and it's eating me up inside. The guilt I feel for not taking him to the doctor this morning is gnawing a big gashing hole in my stomach.

We'll be at the urgent care in the morning. They open at 10 - I'm leaving my house at 9:30 to get there on time. I know it's very possible, actually I'm praying that this is the case, that I'm going to walk away tomorrow with a "you're overreacting - he's just fine" from the doctor, but what if I don't. What if there's something more to it.

Parents feel every bump and bruise, broken heart, hurt finger, that their children feel. I am going to cry myself to sleep tonight feeling like the worst mom in the world for not having gone to the doctor today - or yesterday - or the day before.

Editor's Note: It turns out that it's nothing more then constipation. I'm glad that's all it is.

Canned Carrots and the Babysitter

I know there was more and I don't remember much but: I was in a building and I had my baby with me. Tracy, the babysitter from Temple was there. I was in a cafeteria line and she was serving people. She served me canned carrots. We started arguing about something. She wanted me to leave and I didn't want to go. The argument was us yelling at each other but
seriously disagreeing.

Kind of boring, I know, but sometimes that's how the marbles fall. So goes the life of a dreamer - it's not always the most entertaining.

Child Safety and a Chinese Store

Little One was going near an electrical outlet. G was going to plug something in, but as he was doing so he touched the metal prongs. I started to teach G about outlet safety (Note: I continuously do this - so the dream is definitely not surface and really about outlet safety, it must go deeper then that.)

Switch to: There are 2 people driving in a car. Like in a movie I could see what was happening, but I wasn't part of the action. The passenger (or maybe it was the driver - I really couldn't tell which) didn't know where he wanted to take his life. He was at a loss of what he wanted "to do when he grew up." He had to tell his Dad and his brother, which wasn't an easy task. They were driving up and down a street - kind of like a "strip". Lots of stores and lots of people. This one guy crossed the street and the passenger knew that the guy crossing the street knew what he was going to do with is life, why couldn't he be like that. The guy crossing the street was wearing extremely colorful clothes, kind of like a clown, but he wasn't a clown. Distinctively, he was wearing leg warmers of sorts, but they were bright orange, yellow, red - kind of neony with a black undertone.

To avoid talking to his Dad, the passenger went into a Chinese store. He was up near the ceiling - I don't know if he was hovering or climbed a ladder - but he was looking at light up balls, the kinds that, like the guy crossing the street, has multi-colors. Some had "mohawk" style fuzz coming off of them. (Note: We have some of these light-up balls at home, and they are awesome and very fun to play with - although none of them have fuzz.) A group of friends showed up. I believe they were friends of the passenger. They were checking out the awesome selection of light-up balls and were reminiscing how if it wasn't for the balls, they would never have met.

Start-Up Business

I was starting a new business. There was someone who was trying to make it fail, but she was also working with me at the same time. There were a bunch of women all sitting around a table, doing their work. They looked haggard and old. As the dream went on, they were looking more and more put together. One woman just sat there putting on her makeup, over and over and over. Mostly I saw her using blush. Her hair went from unkempt to cut short and neat. The ladies went from raggedy clothes to nice business attire. They were looking younger and more alive. The thwarting that the woman who wanted the business to fail was trying to do was, in itself, failing. It wasn't working in the slightest bit.

Overnight?

I'm having trouble grasping this one. It seems like the timeline jumped back and forth. Let's see if I can put some of these image into words:

There was a boyfriend involved. I was going to stay at his house. I saw luggage and lots of commotion. I went to sleep before everyone else did and he was looking for me. He had gifts, but not a tangible present. Someone was upset that I left early, but others left early with me. There was a very modern house. There was a feeling of being out of place, but somehow not out of place. There was a lot of passion.

That's not quite what I dreamt last night I don't think. It was so jumpy and scattered and even the images I'm trying to express aren't coming across quite right, but I'm having difficulty putting it into words, mostly, I think, because I'm having difficulty seeing it. Aaah, oh well. So goes the life of a dreamer.

Superman

My son thinks he is Superman.

We were getting ready to leave the babysitter's house. It's a tight schedule to get dinner into both boys and then to the Little Scientist class. The day is really nice, 73 degrees, but it's windy. G goes to open the door and the next thing you know he's flying backward through the air and lands on the ground. He flew all the way from the top step, down three steps to the ground without hitting any stairs.

"Holy Crap!"

That's what instinctively came out of my mouth. Down goes Little One. Down goes everything else in my hands. "Are you ok?" Hello Toto, Dorothy isn't in Kansas anymore. Thank G-d that all he did was skin his knee and a very small scrape on his finger that a boo boo band-aid would fix. Of course, I had to make fun of him that he's not supposed to act out World of Warcraft and, as he puts it, take a fly.

I think I lost about 2 years of my life today.

Addition to the Afghan Dream

I was lying in my son's bed just now, putting him to sleep, and some images popped into my head of last night's dream. Here's what happened:

There were condos. The people who got married lived in a new condo. I have a picture in my head of a very small party, the couple and maybe one or two more. They were making plans. I had to drive into the condo numerous times. It was very topsy turvey. Turn right here, left there, left again, right again kind of driving - easy to get lost in. I have a picture in my head of sitting in the living room and looking out the window.

Star Afghan

I made the above afghan. This might have been a prophetic dream, at least I hope it was.

All I remember is that there were a lot of people around and I was unable to make it to the party. My gift was opened and they knew they would get an afghan from me but as soon as they realized it was in the shape of a star they were totally amazed. They loved it.

That's all that I can grasp from it. Not a bad dream, though.

Relaxation Exercise

For Molly....

This exercise is meant to relax oneself, find peace of mind, rejuvinate. A lot of people fall asleep. I used it when I was drama director at Camp Wise and I also use it to attempt to have a dreamscape or out of body experience. This is just the jist of it. You can alter it to work for you. When I would do this at camp, it would take about half an hour.

Find a peaceful, quiet place to lie down - a bed, a floor (a room filled with 50 people). I like to listen to worldless music - Enya, Ocean sounds, a sampler that I honestly hope I still have but haven't used in a long time. You can either have someone tell you what to do, or you can think it to yourself.

Speak (or think) in a very slow, very melodic voice. Tighten your toes. Tighten them, tighten them. Now relax them. Do this again. Keep them tight. Feel them. Now release them. Feel them getting heavy.

Now tighten your whole foot. Tighten it. Tighten. Now release. Feel your foot getting heavier and heavier. It feels like it can sink through the floor.

You're going to do this with every part of your body - first individually, then as a whole. You should really try to feel each and every muscle. Really try to separate each body part and then feel your whole body working as a whole. Tighten and release 2-3 times. Calves, thighs, stomach, chest, fingers, hands, arms, face head, whole body.

By the end you should feel very, very heavy, sinking lower and lower.

Then, slowly, you will feel like you are lighter and lighter and lighter.

You feel yourself rising up. You are getting a little higher and a little higher. You can stop, turn around, and look at yourself lying on the ground. Float through the ceiling of where you are laying, float higher and higher into the sky. As you float, notice what's below you and what's above you. Float towards the cosmos and then come back down.

When you come back down, you find yourself in a glen or by a stream or a mountain, or whatever other peaceful, remote location you can think of. Feel the air lulling around you - feel the leaves and the grass. Hear the water moving, the sound of the birds in the distance, your hair moving about your face. Smell the sweet flowers and rain that recently fell. Taste the cool water as you bring it to your lips. Use all of your senses as you walk along, experiencing, noticing everything around you.

If you want, float to another location and experience what it has to offer. Follow a ball that's bouncing down the street to see where it leads, go on a journey.

Surround yourself in color. When you feel ready, it's time to come back to where you're lying. As you are coming back, notice again everything around you. What's around the house or building that you are in, what's the bigger picture? Are there other people you will notice? Then you see yourself lying there again and you lie down with yourself.

When you feel ready, slowly turn onto your side and slowly, slowly get up (or if this is to help fall asleep at night - keep dreaming those pleasant dreams).

Falling Apart

OK, I know I had a dream last night and I almost was able to capture it as I was getting ready for work this morning, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. I had a picture, a glimpse, but that's it.

On another note, however, my son, G, likes to pretend sometimes that he's really old. He'll say "I'm walking like an old person" and he'll stoop over and shuffle his feet and pretend he aches all over. Or even when he's just feeling really achy he'll be "too old" to help clean up. I honestly don't know where he got that notion from, unless Mamma (his grandma) has complained once in a while or made fun of herself being old, but right now I feel like that.

I spoke to a doctor on the phone mid-day Saturday and was hooked up with some antibiotics. They're definitely helping, but I'm still really congested so I've been dosing up on decongestants every once in a while. Well, I'm still really congested and it's been over a week. At least my voice is starting to come back. I was starting to sound like James Earl Jones my voice was so hoarse. Every once in a while when I blow my nose, my ear pops really bad and it's painful. Sometimes it's just the pop, but at other times, like this very instant, I just have to keep pressing on my ear because my equilibrium is off. On top of all this, yesterday I pulled something in my shoulder area or my neck and I could barely sleep last night. I've been trying Ibuprofen and tiger balm, but the pain is just getting worse. I can barely turn my head because of the pain.

So right now I feel like my son. I'm too old to be at work. I think I need to find someone to take me apart, put in a couple refurbished parts, maybe a couple of new ones, and put me back together again. I'm done with feeling miserable and being in pain.

Camp Wise

OK - I know the picture is cut off, but I can't figure out any other way to have it come up. Any ideas are welcome. Now, onto the dream....

I woke up at Camp Wise. We were all standing in a circle, getting ready for the day. It was the last Shabbat (Saturday) at camp and I was telling everyone how excited I was for being there on Shabbat, since, as a specialist, I had never, ever been there on a Saturday. That was always my day off. I was thinking back to when I was an SIT or CIT and even then I had Saturdays off, so I was very, very excited. Little One was there with me and I know that G was there too. I felt him, but I didn't see him.

I took the stroller and was pushing Little One down through the woods to the Lake. I didn't go through Noar, which would have been easier. I went through Chalutzim so I had the hardest part of the trail to maneuver with the stroller. As I was walking I was noticing that the forest looked different then before. It had all been burnt. There had been a fire there. But the fire only burnt the one side of everything. From the top towards the bottom, but it didn't come up the other way. (I don't know if it was north to south or what, but if you are walking down the path, the fire had been on the camp side and there was no burnt trees coming from the lake side - kind of like moss only grows on the north side or whatever.) I was so disturbed by the fact that there was a fire there.

I got to the lake and there was no beach. There was at least 3 feet of water instead. There was even a 3 like you'd see on a pool but it was on a tree. I was so nervous that I didn't have Little One prepared - no sun screen, no hat, and all he had on was a little onesie. No protection whatsoever. I swam in with Little One and went to see old friends. They were mostly talking to other people and dealing with their own lives. They paid little attention to me. The person who ran the lake was in her office and she was complaining about how high the water was.

As I was getting ready to leave the lake I put Little One in the Bjorn and didn't even think about the stroller. I passed some really old people who were on their way down to the lake. They were talking about either really, really important issues or really, really unimportant issues, and I can't remember which one.

Then I cut to a scene where there were a ton of kids and they were all making plaster imprints on a huge sheet of wood. One of the teachers said he was going to show them how to decorate stone. After everyone made their imprint, plaster was rushed across like water over everything. One mom was helping her child do what he had to do. Most everything was completely covered in plaster but there were four girls whose design stood out. They had intricately connected their legs and in the middle of it had a website address. I remember thinking what a great keepsake that was going to be.

And then I woke up.

OK - I don't even know if I want to begin analyzing this one. I know in the dream there were also people in robes - like they were graduating, but I can't quite put my finger on what was going on. Does this have to do with G starting Kindergarten next year? Does it have to do like I feel like I am in over my head on something, hence the 3 feet of water? Does it have to do with change - my camp being changed with the fire or does that have to do with the thought that, after my years there, someone had died at the camp and there's some anxiety about this? It makes me wonder.

Dream Fairy

When I was younger, elementary school age, I thought I could control my dreams. I would stare out my window at night which was right next to my bed and feel the coolness of the glass. That was always very calming. If there was something in particular I wanted to dream about I took my pretend miniature pen and pretend miniature paper. I would write my dream down with my tiny, little pen, roll it up very carefully, sometimes close it with a ribbon, and I would stick my pretend paper with my dream written on it in my ear. The dream fairy, kind of like the man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz, would then get my dream and process it. He would then give me my dream.

Of course, it never did work properly. That never mattered to me however - I still kept writing him my dreams.

Big Boy Room revisited

Let's see if this works. I put up a picture of G's new room. It's at my entry about his Big Boy Room. That's it.

I'm off to another night of medicine induced sleep. There is something not right about the pain in my throat and I'm calling the doctor again tomorrow a.m. If he's not there, I'm calling another doctor. I shouldn't be in this much pain. Plus, my ears feel like they're going to burst. Little One had fevers all day and the only thing keeping it at bay was motrin. The poor little guy is just miserable. I don't know what to do.

Here's to hoping I feel better soon and hoping that I have some good dreams tonight. Maybe I'll write a note to my wish fairy for some. Oh, I haven't told you about the wish fairy yet???? That's for another day.

Board Meeting and Completing Tasks

I was at a board meeting for something. I was completely out of place and out of my element. There was an issue about what shirts everyone was going to wear and I was going to wear my white button down with the frilly front. Everyone said that wasn't going to work. I needed a white button down with a plain shirt so that I could be like everyone else. I needed money to perform a task that the board wanted me to do. I was looking at everyone and underneath them, like on a computer screen, were different colored dollar signs. I had to try to convince the ones with the green dollar signs to give me money. No one wanted to. This one woman kept looking at my crossly and saying that I was out of line. They promoted me from an unknown position to vice president and I was in charge of an entire section of whatever it was we were working on. I couldn't understand how they could promote me and not tell me about it. Didn't I have a say in it?

Then I was shopping at a mega store. I remember some kids being there and completely ignoring them. I kept walking through the same section over and over. I can't remember now what the section was, but it was very repetitive. I kept going to the same place - very circular.

There was a paper that I had to completely fill out. I accomplished the task. I have no idea what it was for or why I was writing it, but I had it completely filled up.

Editor's note post-script: I think I know why I have this feeling of "being told what to do". I was going to be the social coordinator for Kol HaLev and they've been changing it around on me and proceeding without even getting my input. Maybe that influenced my dream a bit because I'm a bit taken aback by it.

Cutest Picture in the World

I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.......

Blackness

Last night I had my first halfway decent night's sleep since this cold began. I lay on the couch all night. My mind was racing, but my body couldn't move. I was numb. I had to have my husband turn off the light. The couch was the most comfortable place I could have slept, but I had no dreams. Just blackness. It was 11:30. I woke up and it was 1:15. I woke up again and it was 6:00. No time passed in between, just blackness and awakeness. Yet, even in that deep slumber, I still heard Little One with his early morning wake up babble. How could I sleep so sound and deep and still sleep so lightly?

Little One has a fever today. Why does it always fall around a well visit? I know he has what I have. I pity him right now. Naps are so good. Hopefully he has a good one.

Crossword Puzzles

I had a vision of crossword puzzles today when I closed my eyes. I didn't have a dream about them but when I closed my eyes (still with cough syrup in my system) that's all that I could see. The remainder of last night's sleep wasn't any better. Even with that cough syrup I could still hear Little One coughing in the middle of the night.

I imagine I had that vision because, with feeling as mushy brained as I had since Little One had been born, I decided to exercise it a bit and started working on Logic puzzle magazines. I think it's helped.

Now if I could just start feeling better again.

Passage of Time

So I went to bed at 9:30 last night with medicine in body. Now it's 2:18 a.m. and I'm waiting for the second dose to kick in (which it's very close to doing so, so if I babble, you'll know why - codeine laden cough syrup).

I thought I would have no dreams last night (tonight being last night still). I was right. The cough syrup suppressed all that. But I did still keep waking up. And I did still have a few images in my head as I had fallen asleep - which definitely don't count as dreams.

One of the reasons I'm keeping this journal is because if I don't dream, if I don't notice the passage of time, it's like I haven't gotten a good night's sleep. When I wake up I need to look at the clock. I have to know what time it is. If I'm at a hotel or staying somewhere as a guest, I HAVE to have a clock. It's the same with dreams. If I don't have a dream, something feels off. Sometimes my dreams are just as tiring as waking life, because they are so detailed. I can never repeat that detail here because as I said to a friend the other night, it's almost like watching a t.v. show. Some things are just in the background, but a lot of detail is there. Sometimes as I journal, it will spark part of the dream that I had forgotten about.

OK, I'm sitting here staring off. I still have a headache, but my arms and head are starting to feel heavy. Good night and good dreams.

Night of No Sleep

I know I had some good, detailed dreams last night. I know I replayed them in my mind at some point, but I was up coughing more than half the night and I don't remember a thing. Why is it that I can't seem to remember the good ones?? Hopefully tonight is better.

I'm trying to locate my old dream journal so on the nights when my memory fails I can go through some old dreams, but as of this minute, I've got absolutely no clue where I put it. I know exactly what it looks like, but it is lost in the mess of my house.

MS Walk

I know this is not the blog I am running, but this is an important cause to me.

Yes, this is a plea for money. Even $1. It all adds up.
I know too many people who have MS. From family members to an extremely close friend of mine. I'm walking on her team. I did it 8 months pregnant last year and I thought that was a pretty good slant to try to get some donations. This year I'll do it with my two kids. Please look at the website below and support me and support trying to fight for and find a cure for MS.
Thank you!

After Enlightenment

Good Dream and Orchestra

So I had a really good dream last night. Even had one yesterday when I was napping with Little One. But do you think I remember either one?? No. Sorry. Wish I could, because they were both very detailed.

Instead, I quit my orchestra yesterday. I had just come back from taking a break with Little One, but I haven't been happy playing this season. I play oboe in a volunteer orchestra. I give up Monday nights and a few Sundays to play. The reason I started playing with them was to play at Severance Hall. It was the most amazing experience of my life - to play where the greats have played with amazing sound quality. I have now played there a handful of times and each time is the same awe-inspiring experience.

Yesterday I went to play for a ballet with my orchestra at the Bohemian Hall. I checked the website in the a.m. for directions and a starting time. 3:00. OK - If I go to the Purim Carnival and leave early I can still get there on time. I do this. I get there on time, only to find out that the concert was misprinted in the paper and has to start at 3:30. At this point I get mad. I've already given up two Sundays in a row with a third one to come with a one week break and that's not including the Severance Hall concert. I'm furious at this point. I get emotional. I tell the conductor's wife I quit. She says: "You quit over half an hour?" No. I quit because that was 1/2 hour of time I could have been spending with my kids - still at the carnival. I quit because there are too many Sundays. I work full time and the weekends are my only days with my kids. I quit because I am putting them first for now. I quit because the music has been awful. We have too many concerts to give the orchestra time to learn new compositions and I'm so bored with the music. How many times am I going to have to play Colonel Bogey???

I will still keep playing and will, one day, join another band or orchestra. My kids are only little once. I know it was an emotional decision, but I'd been contemplating stopping after this season anyway. I just didn't want to do it so rashly. I am a bit sad about my decision. Some of the girls there were really nice. I felt very intimadated by the first oboist when I first got there. She's good. I learned a lot from her. She's so funny and nice.

It turns out that I'm known as the complainer in the orchestra. The first oboist is on the Board and while it was being discussed about any complaints she said that some people are complaining about the number of Sunday concerts. They guessed it to be me. I know I am not the only one upset about this. Why I am I the only one who verbalizes it? This is what I sometimes try to get away from - being the one who is able to speak her mind. Well, I'd rather speak my mind then sit quietly and be unhappy.

Art Sale in a Mansion

I was staying at a friend's multi-house mansion estate. They were having an art sale party and I was one of the artist's. It was starting to drizzle when I got to her house. There were already other people there. I was probably around 15 years old or so. Everyone had to pick out what art we were going to display. I ended up choosing two pieces. One that was like a locket, but bigger and I don't remember what the second was. We had to vie for space and I couldn't find any good lighting in the room I was going into, but someone suggested that instead of standing the pictures up, I lay them down like they did in the "olden" days. It was perfect. I put my business cards in front of them so everyone would know whose they were and I thought that was just ingenious. It was really starting to pore. I had to find my room and I didn't know where it was but I kept forgetting to put items there. Everytime we moved rooms, we had to walk out in the rain.

As the part was starting, there was a trivia conest people were watching. There was one last question for the contestants to win and it was 2 boys and a girl on the team. That question was "What is an American party where you stay overnight called?" The girl said "Oh, I know this. I've been doing it forever. It's a sleepover." "Wrong." The Emcee said. "It's a PJ Party." I remember thinking that it was called either. That I called it a sleepover ever since I was a kid and that the answer was disputable.

The party was about to start and Dave got up to make a toast to everyone. He started with "Welcome everyone. First of all, if you need anything else or anymore food, please let the wait staff know." Then he was interrupted by someone and Dave said "No, I only make prepared speaches." But he couldn't find his so it was off the cuff and everyone laughed.

That's when Little One woke up.

Barn House Renovation

There was a large family and they were redecorating their house so the kids could have their rooms the way they want them. They were unhappy with the designer, though. They had very specific ideas of what they wanted. They wanted bunk beds, but not just normal bunk beds, these bunk beds went all the way to the ceiling. They had a large pole in the middle that was a very solid, heavy metal. The top bunk on each of the four bunkbeds was at least the height of going from the first floor to the top of the second floor in a two-story house. I had no idea how they were going to get to the top bunk. I knew they had to screw something into the wall. They were at my house working on this and someone was recarpeting my stairs, but they weren't done and we were walking down them and I remember saying how unprofessional these guys were. There was a step that was completely missing and the whole thing could have been tripped down.

They lived in a house next to a family member's house. The houses were attached. The man lived in the barn, which was extremely large and well decorated and furnished. You pan out from his house, which had a lot of bright, shiny red with white and doesn't look like a barn from the front and you see this smaller house attached at the back of it and from the side you can tell the bigger house is a barn. The smaller house is painted just like the larger house.

Don't ask me what this dream meant. I've got absolutely no clue.

And, as usual, there were so many more details, but they are eluding me right now.

Heroes

So last night in my dream I had all these "Heroes" television show moments. Radioactive hands, people healing themselves. It seemed like it went on and on and on. I can't even completely grasp the pictures that I saw but I know I had these images and moments flashing in my dream and it all related to the special powers of these people on the television show. That and I also dreamt that the bedrooms in my house were on the same level as the washer and dryer and that I absolutely had to wash all the sheets in my house and how convenient that would be.

Hmmmmm.....

One Recurring Nightmare

So in the middle of watching some non-descript, unimportant television show last night, I heard a wail. G woke up for some reason - probably a nightmare - and I went up and he was already basically asleep by the time I got there.

I don't remember how old I was, but when I was younger I would have recurring nightmares. I had about 3 that would play over and over every once in a while. Here's one of them:

I was going to a party. It was down the street from where I lived, right past the main road and just on the other side - so very close. My mom or dad dropped me off. When I got in, however, all the party guests were spiders. I thought it was odd and I was a little scared. I tried to tell my mom or dad not to leave, but they had already left. Various things would happen at this point. Party games, cake, all the usual things that would happen at a child's birthday party. By the end, however, I always turned into what the spiders wanted. They wanted to spin their webs on me and basically "get" me. I was the biggest party favor there. They never got me. I always got out of the house. But I was never able to scream and when I really needed to, I was never able to run. I tried and tried and then, finally, woke up.

Now I realize it was my brain prohibiting me from moving during sleep. (I've just spent about 15 minutes searching for a website that discusses this, but couldn't find one. I just saw a special on TLC where, I think maybe the hypothalmus doesn't work right and people sleep walk, talk and are destructive in their sleep, unlike the majority of people.) What the rest of the dream was about, I really don't know.