Nope - not halloween, 2006 - Purim, 2007!
I am a lot of things: a wife, a friend, a secretary, a scuba diver (sometimes), a bicyclist, but first and foremost I am a mother. I never thought I would define myself by my children, but as young as they are, that's what they need. I have plenty of time to define myself in other ways as well. Today, right at this very moment, I am a mother - and not just any type of mother - a mother bear, a mother lion - protection of the young is the most imporant, most vital aspect of life.
I know Molly makes fun of me for talking about the "p" word too much. I make fun of it myself, but it's just such an overriding part of my life. When G was an infant and now with Little One, it's how much, how often and did it look ok. Right now it's: G has a stomach ache, has had one for a while. And, no pun intended here, I didn't follow my gut instinct. I didn't take him to a doctor. What can they do for an achey little tummy. But pair that together with a pale "p", whitish in color, and that can spell trouble. It could be too much milk, it could be Hep. A that goes away on its own, it could be a liver or gall bladder issue. Right now I don't know and it's eating me up inside. The guilt I feel for not taking him to the doctor this morning is gnawing a big gashing hole in my stomach.
We'll be at the urgent care in the morning. They open at 10 - I'm leaving my house at 9:30 to get there on time. I know it's very possible, actually I'm praying that this is the case, that I'm going to walk away tomorrow with a "you're overreacting - he's just fine" from the doctor, but what if I don't. What if there's something more to it.
Parents feel every bump and bruise, broken heart, hurt finger, that their children feel. I am going to cry myself to sleep tonight feeling like the worst mom in the world for not having gone to the doctor today - or yesterday - or the day before.
Editor's Note: It turns out that it's nothing more then constipation. I'm glad that's all it is.
2 comments:
and now my thoughts are with you...keep me updated please
Urgent care was meaningless. He's going to his pediatrician today. Little One ended up wearing pink pajamas last night. It was an interesting weekend. On quicken I got a "memorized transaction list is full" error message - that's me right now for how forgetful my weekend has been.
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