Everyone wants to live a meaningful life. Everyone wants to leave a mark. Good friends, interesting stories, love, laughter, safety, shelter. Everyone wants to be that person that is remembered as amazing, memorable, passionate, wonderful, kind-hearted. The list goes on and on.
Not everyone is like that.
One time I started a new job (well, at least two times this has happened...and fialed) and wanted to be the quiet worker who did a good job and went home at the end of the day. I've never been the kind to go out drinking with the co-workers after work, but I didn't want to be the person who I intrinsically am. I'm loud and not always nice. I say what I feel, even though I do try to use tact. I complain (on my behalf and on behalf of others). I'm opinionated and bossy and not always the nicest person. I tried so hard to be the quiet worker, but it doesn't work. I try and try and yet my loud, boisterous, annoying self comes out.
I think I'm going to be remembered as that passionate person who was who she was. She said what she meant and meant what she said, but she wasn't quiet. I'm a bit eccentric, a bit odd and have a very distinct personality. Some people live me and some people hate me and some people just don't want to have anything to do with me.
I sometimes wonder what other people see of me and if that goes along with: a) how I see myself; and b)how I want to be seen by others. And sometimes I really don't want to know.
I wish I wasn't so bad at communication sometimes, especially written communication, because even as I write this it's not quite coming across the way I'd like it to.
Ah well. Que sera.
3 comments:
when i see you, i see someone who IS passionate and honest, who tends to be more focused on the reality of the outside world then her inner workings (and thats what we call 'extroverted' in professional lingo)
i see someone who ofcourse cares what people think, but at the same time, stays true to Self- her loud boisterous,caring self (the annoying part is just the shadow part of the package, though probably not as big a part as you might think), and to her family...or were those questions rhetorical?
...i enjoy this stop out of dreamland by the way
What do you mean by "shadow"? They were rhetorical, but answers can be nice too - as long as they are what I want to hear : ) (You can answer a statement if you wished - it is a free country and this is a public blog.
I will step out when the mood strikes, and it struck last night. Thanks for the encouragement. I know I'm not a good writer.
from wikipedia: In Jungian psychology, the shadow or "shadow aspect" is a part of the unconscious mind which is mysterious and often disagreeable to the conscious mind, but which is also relatively close to the conscious mind...According to Jung, the shadow is instinctive and irrational, but is not necessarily evil even when it might appear to be so. It can be both ruthless in conflict and empathetic in friendship. It is important as a source of hunches, for understanding of one's own more inexplicable actions and attitudes (and of others' reactions), and for learning how to accept and integrate the more problematic or troubling aspects of one's personality. (For example, see The Emperor's New Clothes.)
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